Where Do Things Stand?

Many of you have recently asked where things stand with the adoption.

Well here is the latest...

It is important to know that Nepal has been completing adoptions for many 

years up until eighteen months ago. At that point due to adoption problems and 

suspected trafficking and illegal actions within agencies, the Nepali government 

completely shut down the program to make major changes. As of September 2008 Nepal is open once again to conducting international adoptions. Their government was very particular in terms of what agencies they would allow to work within their country. They eliminated many agencies and have finally allowed only 58 agencies worldwide to work within their country. All God's Children International (AGCI)  was one of the top on the list as they had ethically worked within Nepal for nearly eight years prior to the shutdown.

So why Nepal? It is a very long story but the country is one that makes great

sense for our family situation. Many countries have very tricky policies regarding the sex of the adoptive child when the parents already have three children of one sex at home. Plus we had to eliminate many countries due to the fact that the in country stay in order to complete 

paperwork was long. Some countries require a 4-7 week stay. That would certainly be impossible with three children and Bob's business. Nepal is a very good fit. The children are

well cared for within the orphanages that AGCI worked with previously, it is possible for us to adopt a female who is under the age of 12 months and our in country processing should be manageable. 

So here is the answer to the original question... How are things going? The answer is a positive one, although right now things are moving a bit slow. During the month of November we did meet with our social worker twice (two three hour sessions with the kids all present ha!) to complete all the interview questions necessary for her to write up our home study. In addition we had to complete nearly 25 documents such as FBI clearance, questionnaires, passport copies, investment info, resumes (even a current resume for a stay at home mom- seriously!). So our part of the home study is complete. Now for the country dossier.

We thought we were pretty cool keeping up with collecting the necessary documents for the dossier since many matched what we needed for the home study. Wrong! After creating quite a stack of what our agency thought Nepal wanted , Nepali government officials sent out a revised list of dossier documents. Now everything must be an original and every document must be notarized. So this is our first big glitch in the system and we are hoping that Nepal releases their new and revised dossier requirements soon. AGCI feels horrible for the families, such as us, who are on the top of their list for Nepal but they did not see this coming and the communication coming from AGCI has been consistently accurate. So during the month of December we decided to hold. We are focused on the busy season and enjoying all the fun with our kids. We do hope to see updated information regarding the dossier in early January and we should complete the dossier paperwork within one to two months. Then it is all submitted to ACGI and they then send it on to Nepal. From there we wait for them to process and translate the documents before sending us a referral of a child we can call our own.

So it is quite the intense process and one that requires great faith, persistence and patience. We will get there but the road is slow. We will be eager to share the next steps in this journey. In the meantime we are working hard to embrace the spirit of this magical season. Today everything was cancelled and three little boys were unable to be Shepherds in our Nativity story told as a play at church. It was bittersweet news. Instead of the church rush we were able to lay low, sip hot coffee, let the guys build a fort in their room and just hang in our pjs until we could resist the call of the snow no longer. Wow that was some kind of sting when that wind hit our faces this morning!

The last few days have been interesting. I believe I especially am being tested as to why we might want to add one child to our more than full plate. I am struggling with the daily challenge of Owen's four year old behavior. We know that the surgery next week to remove his adenoids and tonsils should eventually cause him to sleep much more soundly. His sleeping has been so compromised and of course that is part of his defiant behavior. It is hard to remember that his daily challenges are so minor in the scheme of life. I have been praying the last few days for patience, quiet responses to my children when I am frustrated and answers when it comes to how to effectively reach them during their wild times. In the midst of it all, I have found myself wanting to apologize for evening considering adoption at this point. Of course that is as self defeating as ice cream on a PMS day but with the stress I have felt doubt. Here is what I am working hard to remember when the doubts creep in. I am not in control of my world. I make choices yes but I need to continue to let God take the helm. We are praying for a safe surgery for Owen, for noticeable change in his behavior and a refreshed attitude about the little girl who awaits.

A scheduled visit

Good Morning:

One the way to school we played a quiz game and boy do my kids love facts that might just stump another. It was a great way to distract them from picking on one another or reminding me, the Mama, of something I may have forgotten to load into their backpacks. I wonder at what age they will begin to accept that things like gloves, library books and gym shoes are something they must be responsible for? Never mind that I am a busy bee, loading everything I can remember into their respective backpacks the night before.  I think they believe a magic fairy does the job. We realize that autonomy is a skill that must be taught over and over again just like learning to zip a coat or tie a shoe. 

When the stars align and our mornings are calm and easy I am reminded just how fortunate our little girl from Nepal will be. She will be fortunate not because we are richly blessed with family, friends and a wonderful community. Not because of our schools, our comfortable home or all the many activities we are a part of. She will be incredibly blessed to have three little boys in her world who will grow to admire and adore her. They will all three have so much to teach her. They will embrace her, shelter her, guide her and of course boss her around all to the tune of love and admiration. I have no doubts that the little girl that is meant to enter our family will do nothing but expand the hearts of our three little boys.  For that I am so excited and up to the challenge that adoption brings.

I finally met our social worker over the phone. She will conduct our home study. Now prepare to laugh... She will need to spend six hours of time with us, all five of us, observing our lives as a family. Six hours! We may flunk after she interacts with us for six hours but we plan to give it the old college try. She will interview both Bob and myself together, then separately, and then she talks with the kids. I can't wait to hear their thoughts. Hayden of course will tell her that he believes he MUST go to Nepal and Carter will tell her that he is slightly unsure and Owen will probably say something completely nutty since he really cannot possibly understand exactly what is going on. I explained to her, Deb, that we are eager to have her discuss the adoption with the boys. It will help to put a human face with the process. For so long we have done nothing but talk about the idea. Now they will see action and meet an actual person who will be helping to get the ball rolling. Deb will first visit for three hours next Friday. Say a little prayer that the five of us can keep it together. Three hours can be a long time in a house with three wild boys. It's another step in the right direction. Now if we can just get all the paperwork completed. Whew!

Our date night

So let me say date nights sure take on a different meaning when there is little time throughout the week to catch up on who is signing up the boys for basketball and has Carter done his reading homework and oh by the way it is so and sos birthday tomorrow.  So dates nights have on numerous occasions become business meeting for the Strobel family CEO and CFO. Last Saturday we had my Dad watching the boys for nearly four hours before he had to be to work at 9pm. We booked out of the house with my giant briefcase in tow. After a couple necessary errands we ended up in the bar area of Naya Restaurant. It is well lit, quiet and they were playing the Michigan game (what a comeback). We each ordered a cocktail and then unleashed all the energy we could muster on answering over a hundred pages of questions within our adoption paperwork. The questions are down right strange. We are asked to recall our own responses to foods as a child or interview someone in our family to ask them to recall our actions as youngsters. I mean for real... we are under a major financial crisis and we have political issues to discuss with family and friends, not our actions as children. We are trying to remain positive but the questions seem darn right silly. So as we are sitting in a bar writing at a feverish clip, an older couple leans over and says, "what are you two working so hard on?" We burst into laughter and explained our madness. Within minutes our server was back and they had offered to buy us a drink. Do you think they were acting out of pity? We are eager to complete the questions, but tomorrow night we are headed out for a real date night, no paperwork and no computer. Instead there will no doubt be much to discuss after tonight's circus debate. :)

Shoes

I started hauling out stuff from the back storage area of our basement. Now I consider myself to be somewhat organized but what has happened down there

is simply criminal. Stuff just accumulates and before you know it... Wow!

One of the things we discovered is that we have so many little boy shoes. I have an entire bin of shoes that need to be donated. While having dinner we started discussing where we could donate the shoes and Carter quietly asked, "Mom are there any little tiny shoes? " "I think so, I responded, but why do you ask Carter?" "Well I thought we might want to save the tiny ones for the baby we will adopt." It was precious! Bob was the first to respond with "We will probably need girl shoes Carter but that is such a nice thought." Of course I will have no problem shopping for girl shoes... LOL!  Well said Carter and good answer Bob. :

Visiting her land

So here sits Hayden tonight, finishing up a good book. He looks up at me with the sweetest look and says, "Mom I need to talk to you about something I told my friends. I told them I would be going with you and Dad to Nepal." Then there is a long pause... "I mean can't you just find a sitter for Carter and Owen and then the three of us can go?" I chuckle outloud and then promptly apologize for laughing. Bless his little heart for caring so much about the process. He is concerned that he be able to see where "she " is going to come from. He does not want to miss a defining moment in the life of our family. So far our agency is not real thrilled about adoptive parents bringing their children along for the gotcha day (or week).  What a tough thing for us to try and explain to Hayden, the oldest of our brood and a child with a heart that continues to honor people of the world who are less fortunate than he. Who wants to squelch such curiosity and caring. I can certainly see him fondly embracing his little sister. Can't you?